I've Never Liked People Telling Me To Blog

I'm blogging, ok?!?!?

So yeah, It's been a while since I've blogged due to Schoolies, The Beatdown (150 person LAN party), some other random stuff, and just general laziness. I'm back now though, ready to unleash my scathing criticisms onto topics of my choice.

Bees:

I fucking hate bees. Actually, make that - I fucking hate 'things that fly and sting you'. Seriously, this is probably my only irrational fear in the world. I flinch whenever i hear a bee buzzing around or a wasp or a hornet or whatever the hell is big and insect like and can sting you and create a huge welt. This is because at an early age, I was stung on the back of my neck and it hurt like hell, and I haven't been stung since but my memory tells me it should definitely be avoided. Honestly, why shouldn't i be afraid? It flies, its hard to avoid cause it can fly much faster than you can run, and it fucking hurts when you get stung. Its not like I'm afraid of cockroaches or cicadas (Rob would say otherwise, but he deliberately has put them on me/provoked me with these in the past just to piss me off) cause they can't hurt you, but bees? Scary. Oh and honey is overrated. I've never liked honey.

Southern Rock:

My god, is this just the most overblown musical genre ever? Actually progressive rock takes that accolade, however that rant can be saved for a day where it particularly pisses me off. The disdain I have for southern rock is quite fresh in my mind after playing the second last tier in band mode of Rock Band. Each song is one southern rock masterpiece after the other. And by masterpiece, I most certainly mean '5 consecutive solo piece of boring shit'. One of these songs, 'Green Grass and High Tides', is most certainly the winner of the 'worst song in the game' prize. 5 solos in a 10 minute song, with each solo going for about 60 seconds roughly, give or take (the last one is like 3 minutes i swear). 'Flirtin with Disaster', another southern rock steaming-pile-of-shit-fest is almost as bad. But let me remove my biases for a minute (difficult I know), and take a look at what are the pinnacles of southern rock. 'Free Bird by Lyrnrd Skynyrd' I hear you say? Fair enough.

...

Oh wait, there aren't any more, ARE THERE? This overplayed, god awful pretentious piece of crap reared its ugly head in the second Guitar Hero game, and has been opened up to a whole new generation of music listeners. It has taught many a-new guitarist and music lover that the most important part of the song is 'the solo'. That the bass should be barely audible above the southern drawl of the singer and the cameo of the slide and pedal guitars. Thank you very much, Free Bird, for showing us what this generation has been lacking in music.

Terrible Facebook Applications:

- *insert name here* has just bought you! Click here to see how much you're worth!
- *insert name here* has just rated you against his/her other friends! Click here to see how you rate!
- *insert name here* has just answered the question "Do you think Lachlan smells bad?" Click here to see what what was said about you!
- *insert name here* has just bound and gagged you in 'Domination'! Click here to slap and punch him/her back!
- *insert name here* has substituted his/her real life for Facebook Apps! Click here to do the same!
- *insert name here* is an idiot for signing up to this application! Click here to do the same!**

I rest my case.

**this is actually what i think of you if you sign up to a shitty app.

So yeah, that's it for this entry. Hopefully i've satiated your facetious, sarcastic humour quota for this week.

NEW WEEKLY ELEMENT - Shitty band of the entry:

Every week I will nominate a band which is just plain shit and give one sentence why I've never liked this band.

This week's band: WEEZER (long awaited entry)

Weezer use terrible, post grunge distorted guitars, boring song structures which may only subscribe to the 'verse chorus verse' pattern, and a generally disinteresting collection of members (Rivers Cuomo looks like he could have just come from the set of Degrassi Junior High playing the role of the weird awkward kid who just asked the counsellor how he can stop getting embarrasing erections in class).

See you next entry.